CRYING IN THE BATHROOM
We’ve all been there haven’t we?
Sneaking off to the bathroom to shed a tear or sob your heart out.
Maybe you have time to spare in there? Or maybe you are at work, at a party, your in-laws and there is just simply no time or space to cry.
I’ll admit, I had a moment like this over this last week. I sat on the bathroom floor and just needed a few minutes.
‘Not now, not now’….you tell yourself.
But that first tear still gently slides down your cheek, slightly stopping before it… oh there it is, a wet drop onto your hand or shirt. Then suddenly another one does the same before you even have chance to attempt to dry the first one, that has now smeared across your skin, or the fabric on your top. Perhaps your tears has dampened your mascara.
It got me thinking, I have heard from countless women (and men) who have reached out to others whilst staring at the cubicle door. I have been one of those people and I truly thank those who have spent their time to send me comfort.
But in those moments, time feels so fast. The mind races.
‘How can I explain this to them out there? What do I say?’
Quick, think of a good excuse.
“I’m ok I just have a headache. Didn’t sleep too well last night…….”
(Yep I got this, they have bought it)
Your colleague replies…. “Pffft you should try having three kids. That’ll give you sleepless nights and paracetamol on repeat prescription…..”
Ha, so funny.
The sadness now turns to hurt in the form of anger.
“Haha yeah…” – Yeah because having children must be soooooooooo awful for you……pfft to you Sharon… bitch.
Gasps to oneself…. I can’t believe I called her a bitch, even though I said it in my own head and she didn’t hear me. Eurgh I hate myself… I hate her too…
No I don’t.
Yes I do.
You are at a family event. Your aunt who has not seen you for a while approaches you by the buffet. “CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement. Your mum rang and told us, such wonderful news. Hey…you better hurry if you want to have children, the clock is ticking…”
“Here is my annual leave request form. I have decided I am going to redecorate and then enjoy a weekend by the beach somewhere.”
Boss – “Unfortunately you can’t have those dates, Michelle mentioned about having them off for her holiday. After all she has got two children, you can have a holiday anytime of the year”
“Are you ready? We are going to be late…”
“Yes, two seconds, just putting some lipstick on”
“By the way, we’ve had an invitation through the post”
“Oh really? What for?”
“My cousins baby shower.”
Friend shares meme…..
‘YOU DON’T KNOW LOVE UNTIL YOU ARE A MOTHER.’
Ah yes, that must be true. Now let me retreat back to my witches den and twenty black cats.
“Excuse me, where is the bathroom please?…”
“Up the stairs, second door on the left”
Door locks. Places hands under the cold tap, a sigh of relief. Dabs toilet tissue on face to avoid smearing make up but dry up the sweat beads that have taken over your top lip, eyelids and chin! The forehead is the worst part, especially when you have a fringe! And the tissue breaks off on your face it is so wet.
Uttering to your pasty reflection in the mirror. “I look like I have been caught in the rain…”
Everyone else looks so beautiful here, in their frocks and long flowing (dry) hair.
Your eyes fill up as you look down at the sink and have a flashback at what life was like before flushes.
“Knock knock…are you going to be long?…”
“Oh, two secs…”
Mothers friend waits on the other side of the door.
Opens door – “Are you alright love? You look like you’re having a granny…you just wait until you are my age, it is no fun then, hahaha”
I could go on, there are so many instances and bathroom floors that have shared our deepest, most secretive moments.
Whatever the reason may be, if you have shed a single tear or filled the bath. Whether you have been in your own bathroom, the work restroom or behind a cubicle door in a busy restaurant.
Know that you are not alone, for somewhere in the world, there may be another person crying for the same reasons as you, shut away staring at bathroom tiles, who understands.
It is ok to cry in the bathroom.
(Image is taken from the film Muriel’s Wedding. A fabulous film)