S E L F – P R E S E R V A T I O N

This months theme is self-preservation.
The idea behind this theme has come from an experience I had at the GP surgery this week which got me thinking.

I was waiting for an appointment for yet another blood pressure check (this seems to be the latest ‘issue’ due to premature ovarian failure!) and whilst in the waiting area, a family of 5 entered and sat next to me. The mother is openly stressing about the difficulties of having her two daughters off school during the half term. Her daughter, appearing to be aged 6 or thereabouts, was wearing a sequined t-shirt.

The sequins on her t-shirt could be moved to make various shapes and patterns.

Her stepdad said “Draw a massive penis…..” and proceeded to carve out just that on his young stepdaughter’s t-shirt.

The 6 something year old was pulling away asking to go and play with her sister but seemingly ignorant to those around them, the Mum and stepdad laughed and went on to add explicit ‘details’ to their ‘drawing’.

Now (hopefully) anybody would be absolutely appalled, as I was, with witnessing this. Admittedly, I did not say anything as I was unsure of the reaction I may receive. I also cannot explain how experiences like this can make an infertile person feel. When you are robbed of an opportunity to have a life that you thought would always be available to you, then suddenly everything changes, it seems more difficult to stomach such occurrences.

Tolerance, responses and reactions to everyday situations change due to heightened sensitivity and emotions, which is the case for anybody who has had to deal with a life changing circumstance. For example someone grieving a close sibling may become more frustrated by any strained relationships others may have with their siblings, particularly if they are taken for granted. It is that whole “Well at least you still have a ‘brother'” scenario.

Anyway, what I have taken from this experience, as well as many others that I have unfortunately encountered over the years, is that self-preservation is key. I have had to ‘manage’ my own limits and learn to remove myself both physically and emotionally from such situations that compromise my well-being. I do this by doing the things I love. It is far from easy making time to do all of these things but when I do I reap the benefits. Just spending quality time with my boyfriend, listening to music, go for a walk or playing on my violin can help distract my mind from the power that is over thinking.

I am not oblivious to what is happening around me but I CHOOSE not to let it bog me down. I CHOOSE not to allow my energy (which let’s face it is near to zero as it is) to be robbed by others. I CHOOSE not to allow experiences such as drawing phallic images on an innocent child’s top weigh me down any more than it possibly should because I cannot conceive myself.

I CHOOSE SELF-PRESERVATION….

P.S…….You can too!

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