Firstly, special thanks to my amazing house mate for making my logo (featured image). It so simple but I love it.

Well, it’s been a crazy few months to say the least. Apologies for being so pathetic at keeping on top of this, the truth is I have struggled to keep on top of myself at times.

I have had some requests to do some facts, questions and answers about menopause which I will crack on with soon. Problem is, there are so many contradicting facts about menopause, that I will have to do a lot of research.

Anyway, update is, I have been discharged from hospital now because I have menopause and that’s that. Even that sentence feels so final. What I really mean is, now they have 100% informed me I have early menopause, my womb is a prolapsed prune and my ovaries have shrivelled into dried out grapes, there is nothing else they can do for me other than prescribe me HRT. The specialist sent me on my way to get on with my life.

HOW SCARY IS THIS? – How am I meant to live my life now? What is my life now? What If something happens but I am discharged? Why doesn’t he want to do another scan in a years time? How will I know if the HRT enlarges my womb like he said?

So many questions with so many uncertain times ahead. Truth is, nothing could happen. I could actually lead a good life, take HRT and be fine. But leaving the specialists care was just so unexpected and felt very final, even though this experience right now and my future will never be final, not for me anyway.

Thankfully, I have recently joined a menopause circle group, which I already feel will be a fantastic experience for me. It is so important to share how you feel and your history with the RIGHT people.

I am certainly learning a lot about myself through this menopause, I have also realised that the psychological symptoms are much harder to process than the physical. The physical symptoms seem to be more comprehendible, but when you start questioning your actions, thoughts and feelings it suddenly becomes a whole different ball game. Some days, I literally hate people, I hate myself, I feel angry, I don’t recognise the person I am and I feel like telling the whole world to F off and literally not care about the consequences. Other days I feel very isolated, lonely and misunderstood. Sometimes I see glimpses of my old self, like a nostalgic feeling. Who knew hormones could have such an effect?! I certainly didn’t.

I plan to use this next year to collate as much information as I can about menopause, whether it’s early, induced medically for example from operations, or whether it comes completely naturally at the ‘average’ age like it ‘should’. Then I shall produce a power point, website or whatever I chose to do, in order to travel around spreading awareness and sharing my knowledge at schools, colleges, universities, well being centres and anywhere really!

I am determined not to allow menopause to take over completely.

This is just the beginning.

Much love

Steph x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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