Why is love and acceptance so hard? Why do we all struggle so much to love ourselves and accept that we are who we are? Why do we allow others to dictate how we feel and behave?
I have found that by accepting I have the menopause, I feel better about it. Although the symptoms are still coming in thick and fast, I know that they are not forever. I also accept that this is not the worst thing that could ever happen to me. However, that being said, living with constant “well at least you don’t have this or that….” is not acceptable. Although others may use this to try and help you and enable you to feel/think differently, it too is important to sit with the thoughts that this is the worse thing that could happen to you. By allowing yourself to do this, you are able to put things into perspective. I have often sat and felt that what is happening to me is the worst thing in the world, I have also said and done this in the past too, particularly with bereavements. If I did not do this, then I would not have gained the perspective and acceptance I have today. By allowing myself to spiral through all of the emotions in my life, I have been able to become a wiser person, gain more self-awareness and use my experiences to understand and help others. On the other hand I am aware that some individuals will sit with that ‘woe me’ feeling for too long and may use this to their advantage. These people will suck the life out of you if you aren’t careful, I am sure we all know a few like this. Thing is, these people usually are not going through what you may have gone through or may be going through now, this can cause real resentment from you and maybe rightly so.
Another thing I find incredibly disappointing is competition. Now I am not talking about healthy competition, I am talking about those who either feel they know better or feel that others cannot be at the centre of attention, when they may just deserve to be for once! Also, these people will lie in order to take that limelight. Sometimes people share information that is sensitive to them, so to then have someone else ‘override’ that with their own issue, to gain attention is just rude! Here are some totally over exaggerated examples of this;
You – “I feel really sad my dog died”
Them – “Yeah, well my dog died in 1990 and we have had 10 die since then”
You – “I feel so proud I have lost a stone in weight”
Them – “I lost two stone, then I lost another 5, in fact I have lost 5 pound just talking to you”
You – “I have been quite sad lately, I have been dealing with a bereavement, one of my parents died”
Them – “Imagine what it’s like for me, my mum and dad live miles away and i never see them….”
Jealous, spiteful and envious individuals are not my kind of people!
I have some great friendships at the moment, although some of which I feel need reviewing. That may sound awful but not everyone who says they will do anything for you are being honest. I am not saying do not trust people, I am just expressing that friends should love you for who you are, not just certain aspects of you.
“Players only love you when they are playing” It is what it is. Unfortunately some friends only want to know the happier, more content you, this side of you usually requires less effort from others, therefore they do not have to try and empathise with you or use their energy to support you. There are also some friends that only enjoy the sad and needy side of you, in a very mixed up way this can make them feel better about themselves and enable them to kick you when you are down. Some friends will ‘diagnose’ you. “You have depression…..” this can be tricky as some friends may be genuinely honest when making a statement like this, however some friends get pleasure from telling you something that actually is quite psychologically damaging, what is that all about!
Then, we have the friends that cannot be happy for you no matter what. The envious friends, the ones who will watch you work your ass off to make a better life for yourself and they will hate you for doing so. The reason they do this? Who knows! But an explanation could be, that they are unwilling to make a change for themselves, they are lazy, they blame everything, anything and anyone for their mistakes and failures. Therefore, they simply cannot handle the fact that you are able to do something for yourself. You may have taken a huge step in a decision lately, if this then gets dismissed by those you love this can really hurt. If you, like me, have done something to help your psychological well being, shouldn’t people feel proud of you? Not envious that you have done something so important for yourself. Do not let others make you believe your decisions and life’s path is not a big deal.
Drop in centre friends, are those who will drop by when there is something wrong or they need something. So, although you may have been going through a terrible time and not heard from them at all during this period, they still feel it is acceptable to ‘drop by’ with a trivial issue such as “I don’t know who to date, Chas or Dave?……”
Some friends we have may struggle with their emotions and thoughts. For example if a friend feels worthless they may seek attention and abuse it. If you then as their friend, are going through a tough time, but use it to your advantage, help others and get the positive recognition you deserve, does that then give them the right to put you down and feel jealous of you? NO. If you are someone who achieves your goals and works hard to do this, can someone then be mad at you for doing so well, when they struggle to achieve anything due to putting little effort in? NO. This brings me onto jealousy and compassion, sometimes these can get confused. I am not sure how.
Jealousy – “Oh look at her, of course she has the menopause, now she has loads of attention from doing a blog and everyone loves her because she is so great, she is so fantastic, she is so wonderful, she has loads of new friends, she is better than me, why can’t I be like that, she has now completed college too…..But at least she is still ugly and over weight….”
Compassion – “I think what you are doing is lovely, it must be so hard for you at the moment. You should feel really proud that you are handling this so well and have so many people to support you. I am here to support you.”
I am aware this blog has raised some issues about the negative friendships and relationships we may have with others. I have to express, that this does not reflect my state of mind but I am sharing with you all my own experiences of support and what I have learnt from them. I am aware of the types of people I will welcome into my life and how to prioritise those friends that are genuine and compassionate. Recently, a friend who I have known for about two years (seems a lot longer) had an event to raise some money so I can support myself financially over the next month, as I have lost some earnings recently due to ill health. No one asked her to do this, she took it upon herself to help a friend in need and words have failed me when I think that this was done for me. My wonderful housemate has allowed me to owe her some rent money, again she did not have to do this, but because she is a compassionate, empathic person she offered her support. Another friend gave me some free Reiki healing last week, to help me feel better. This is her time and energy she was willing to give up, to help someone else. How lovely is that? I do not like to discuss my family on my blogs, as somethings I do wish to keep private but i have had support from some of them too, I just had to mention that.
The truth is, there are some amazing people in this world, I am lucky enough to be friends with some of them. I guess what I am trying to encourage is for people to stop, look around and see the wonderful people you have in your life and make sure that you treat them well. Accept that sometimes their lives will be better than yours, accept that sometimes they may need extra support and nurturing. Accept yourself and the way you behave, accept your actions and the consequences. If you are unhappy with yourself, only you can change that. Only you can change the way you think and feel. Accept when you are wrong and admit it. Accept when you are right and embrace it.
Just accept yourself. The only person you will hurt if you don’t is you.
Acceptance = Happiness. Let yourself be happy, be happy for others and let them be happy for you.