This may be my most honest blog yet.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I need to take some time away because I am not processing this well, or as I feel I should be. I was told the news by my GP and I have since carried on as normal. Well, tried to but these symptoms are making damn sure that I cannot forget what is happening to me.

Today has been ok, I have been at work but I have had moments of feeling overwhelmed and dizzy. After work at 8pm I came home and had a long shower to relax. I sat down and thought to myself, I will read some of that book that my lovely housemate (and she really is lovely) bought for me. It’s called;

‘Natural alternatives to HRT’

I have read 10 pages and I am a mess. I have been so OBLIVIOUS to what menopause actually is and rightly so as I am only 26. But after reading what it is and what happens to your body I just feel so overwhelmed. I read the symptoms;

hot flushes, night sweats, irritability, declining libido, osteoporosis, weight gain, vaginal dryness, ageing skin, changes in hair, hair loss, headaches, mood swings, lack of energy and joint pain.

I have most of these symptoms and have done for ages. This really upset me because I have realised that actually I have been living with this for a very long time, way before my actual diagnosis, possibly years. How scary is that? I urge you to see your GP if you notice any hormonal changes, don’t leave it for years like I have. Please.

As I read each symptom I felt my eyes water, next thing I know I am sobbing into my pyjama top, not just a few tears, but literally that sobbing you get when your breathing becomes difficult and you cannot actually stop yourself. But that is ok, it is ok to be upset. It is healthy to be upset. It’s just not nice that’s all.

To go through these changes as a woman is horrible at any age, but when you are so young and having to accept that your skin will age sooner, your breasts will lose elasticity so they will sag younger, experience of hair loss, weight changes and potential bone conditions, well, it can be damaging to your psychological health BIG TIME and this upset me immensely. The menopause is not called the ‘change’ for nothing. Because everything changes. Imagine how damaging this is to your self-esteem and worth. Sometimes, I feel worthless.

However, it is not the book that has upset me, if anything I am learning from it and I recommend others get it to. It is the realisation that no, this is not a dream and this is really happening to me that has caused my tears. Why me?….well I just don’t know. Although I feel I have experienced many of the negatives of the menopause already, I am sure there are more to come. And obviously this fills me with anticipation of the unknown, fear of what could be and tears, lots more tears.

This is such an upsetting time to go through and I wanted to share with you all briefly the reality of the menopause. I cannot even begin to think about the inevitable that I will not be able to conceive naturally. But then I am not at that point in my life yet anyway. I do want to stress though that not every experience is like the one I describe, every woman is different and there are many benefits and positives that come from the menopause. It is also a NATURAL process we go through, so not to be treated like an illness. It is a natural event that as women we all face in our lives.

It is important to look after yourself. Your physical well-being. And in my opinion most importantly your psychological well being. Your mind is more powerful than you will ever give it credit for, so in particular look after your mind! Rest, meditate, start yoga, eat well, drink less of the bad stuff and just feel well.

This is now all I hope for.


Steph x







One thought on “Dear diary, menopause is making me cry…

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